As integral as faith is to the Christian's life and as basic as it is to following Jesus, it seems to be little understood by those who profess it. What really is faith? The dictionary defines faith in this way:
| 1. | confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability. |
| 2. | belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact. |
| 3. | belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims. |
| 4. | belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty. |
| 5. | a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith. |
| 6. | the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.: Failure to appear would be breaking faith. |
| 7. | the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.: He was the only one who proved his faith during our recent troubles. |
| 8. | Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved. |
Jesus says in Matthew 17:20, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I have never seen a mountain move.
Now, granted, there is an awful lot you could say in this regard. You could say that faith is dependent upon God's will, and why would God ever will for a mountain to be moved? That would just be silly, and we all know that Jesus himself said, "You shall not but the Lord your God to the test." But then why would he say that? Why would he tell us that faith could move mountains if he had no intention of rewarding that faith or even, as could be suggested, punishing those who would test him by actually asking that a mountain be moved. But what about Ninevah? In the story of Jonah, God sent the prophet to declare his coming wrath on the city, but when the people had faith and repented, God chose not to deliver his fury upon them. And what about Abraham? He spoke in direct contradiction to God's will, asking him to change it because he had faith that God would not punish him for the test. Or what about Gideon, who actually had so little faith that he had to ask God more than once for a sign and received one every time. By the definition of some, these situations could certainly be considered testing God, but in each case, faith is rewarded.
So why aren't mountains moving?
Well, some would say that the entire idea of mountains moving is purely an analogy. They would say that, in fact, the salvation of Ninevah is actually the moving a figurative mountain in itself. Perhaps. And this is often how the verse is used today, especially in prayers. I suppose I can accept that, but not entirely. Maybe that is just my romantic side, wanting to believe that mountains can move, but what if it is true? And that is with faith the size of a mustard seed. What if someone had faith the size of a sunflower seed? Could they shake the foundations of the earth? What if someone had a faith the size of a pumpkin seed? Could they speak a word and change the orbit of Mars? What if someone had a faith the size of a golf ball? A golf ball is so very small, but compared to a mustard seed, it is almost inconceivably enormous, and with a faith the size of a mustard seed, mountains can move. I do not think that our human minds can possibly conceive of God in big enough terms to contain a faith that size. And yet, God is so much more than that. He is bigger than the greatest faith could possibly contain. His ability far exceeds anything we would ever ask of him. Perhaps mountains are not moving, because we are not even asking God to move them? Now, I am not going to suggest that we should all go out trying to tell mountains to move or that if you cannot move them, then you must have a weak faith. I don't know if that is true or not, but I do wonder why we are afraid to ask God to do big things. Why don't we have faith in his ability?
Why is it so hard to trust in him?
Some would answer this question by saying that they have been too often disappointed. Far too many prayers have gone unanswered. Far too many times they have called on God and gone unanswered. Well there are plenty of responses to this. Perhaps God is saying no or perhaps he is saying wait or perhaps it is a time of testing. Maybe it is a selfish prayer and maybe God has something better in store or maybe it is even the dark night of the soul. I have heard all of these answers, and sometimes they are true. But...what if sometimes the answer is that we simply did not have enough faith? A man once stood before Jesus asking him to drive a demon our of his son. His words were, "Lord I believe. Help my unbelief." Then Jesus drove out the demon. Why do we so seldom ask God to help our unbelief? Perhaps that is for what we should be praying.
Maybe all of these ponderings are tied in with closeness to God. Maybe the reason that no mountains are being moved is that those who have faith enough to command them have so entirely changed their view of the world through knowing the Lord that they would never even think of telling a mountain to move unless it was to advance his name, and I know that I personally can think of very few situations where a moving mountain would actually be beneficial in advancing the kingdom of God. We have a tendency to make selfish prayers and ask God to serve us when we are infants spiritually, not even having the faith to believe that God can give us even our most selfish, simple desires. I know that I was in that position for a long time. However, as my faith has grown, the selfish things I once asked of God are now almost meaningless since I know him better (though I do have lapses, I admit). Mostly this is in terms of material items or my own well-being or advancement. It is almost a sort of catch-22.
Now it is time for the main thrust of all of my ponderings, especially of late. All of my former ramblings in this post are thoughts I have had before, but many of them have come in response to my musings on the question of healing. This is one of the more unselfish prayers that we Christians tend to pray, and we pray it often. However, by route of all of these other thoughts on faith, I sometimes wonder why we pray for healing. "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away." We are so often taught to praise God whether in good or ill. Should we then be content to just accept the pains and illnesses that come to us? We are so often taught that we learn through pain and that it comes to test us. Why then are we so eager to avoid it? If we wanted to be closer to God, wouldn't we accept pain and sickness. Well, these are dangerous trains of thought. The former has lead some misguided Christians to forgo needed medicine in favour of letting God be the healer, even though God can work his will through medicine. The latter idea can lead only to attempts of penance or the self-flagellation practiced of old, and that is not how Christ called us to live. Still, there are times when I hear about the desperate attempts and procedures some go through to extend there life, I almost wonder why. In Philippians 1:21 Paul writes, "For with me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Why do we cling so fiercely to life? As Christians, we are free from the fear of death thanks to the sacrifice of Christ. I am not saying that we should take the lesser Roman Road to an "honourable death." However, (in my extreme youth) I think there comes a point where one can simply accept that it is time. Life must end at some point, and we have no reason to fear it as much as we do. And maybe a true faith in God, a trust in him, is the only thing that will ever allow us to be able to accept death joyfully. But how much faith would it take to make that step? A sand's worth? A mustard seed's worth? Perhaps it depends on whether or not your fear is mountainous.
So where does that leave us? And what does it mean in terms of healing. I desperately hope that I do not sound condescending, or as if I have stumbled upon some great secret because of my great faith. Far from it. Rather it is out of self-frustration that my analytical mind set to work on devouring this subject. I feel somewhat like a cow, chewing the cud. I took a big bite full of ideas and over time I have just been processing them, bringing them back up, and processing them again. That is probably not the best possible example. But I digress. The truth of the matter is that I have asked God for the gift of healing. Prayer has always been a vital part of my connection to God, whether I thought my prayers were answered or not. Because of the chronic migraines from which I have suffered much of my life, I have been well acquainted with prayers for healing. Perhaps years of desiring escape from that burden combined with my sense of compassion are what created my desire to have the gift of healing. However, I have also wondered if it was for more selfish reasons. Maybe I just wanted to be recognized for that gift. Because I wanted to be the one who heals people. It is likely that I am being far too hard on myself, but then again, Satan does tend to take even our most pure and selfless desires and turn them into something corrupt. Perhaps I first asked God to bless me with the gift of healing out of good intentions, but I fear that other desires may have crept in as well.
All of this internal conflict, deep thought, and a pinch of cynicism eventually brought me to a place of asking why God would ever heal people. If I look at things in a strictly logical sense, I see very little reason. For the briefest moment, I concluded that my faith would be put to better use if it was not expended in the pursuit of healing. After all, God's will shall be done nonetheless. However, it was in precisely that moment (and this can only be the whisper of God) that I remembered just how many of Christ's miracles were healings. This God, this Saviour in whom I strive to have faith, is a loving God. He is a compassionate God. And although he sometimes allows it, he hates it when his children suffer. Jesus even compared himself to a doctor in his coming. How could my mind have possibly taken me to such a place that I forgot about Christ's compassion. How could I have forgotten the parable of the persistent widow? In that moment, I found myself quite a fool. So whether I have the gift of healing or not, I shall continue to pray for healing, but only out of love, as my Lord did.
Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
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